Do you know what your values are?

I don't very often get my own Lightbulb Moments when I'm hosting a club, but I did on Wednesday (which was very exciting!)

We were taking it in turns to read through a list of values to see which ones could be ours. I know cleanliness is one of mine... and honesty... and courage... but when we got to the word 'responsibility', that's when the penny dropped.

My home is very messy. I am messy, my husband is messy and all four of my children are phenomenally messy. A typical morning goes like this ... 'Where's my homework diary?'... 'Where's my bus pass?'... 'Where are my trainers?' and on and on and because I'm messy I don't know either.

So I started to think about that word 'responsibility' and what it means.

I know I am absolutely trustworthy. I am one hundred per cent dependable. I am really reliable, but I'm not good at duty or taking on 'roles', such as that of 'tidy mother'.

What's happened, I suddenly realised, is that because I'm not responsible, I haven't passed on 'responsibility' to my children and this is the outcome... chaos.

Gosh, values are helpful. As my diary for Wednesday said 'You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself'. Maybe I've finally grown up. Let's see how responsible I now become.

What do your values tell you?

All my best wishes for a lovely long weekend (if you're in the UK),
Nina
PS You've been wonderful about voting for us in the Barclays competition - do carry on... click here.
PPS Come along to our final day workshop - in Central London on 12th June. It's a Life Clubs Intensive in aid of Marie Curie charity and it's all about you and your wellbeing. The other two were brilliant, I'm sure this one will be too. See you there.

'til death us do part

I've had a bit of a values week. This week's Life Club was all about values and I was interviewed by a wedding planner about values in a relationship and ended up (as usual) talking about my relationships.

I don't have much 'in common' with my husband in the 'hobbies' sense of the word. He loves boats and I get sea-sick really easily (even on a river). He loves history and I (as you know) live in the future. He loves 'being a tourist' and I am very lowbrow on holiday and want to lie low with a book. And on and on it goes. And yet we're happy together and that's because our values are so similar.

We both rate independence which means we can do our own thing if we want to. We both value security, which means we feel secure together and trust each other. And honesty comes at the top of our values which means we'll be open and honest with each other.

I won't say there aren't times when our honesty causes us to be cross with each other, but that's OK too because the security means we're able to do that.

So, 'til death us do part seems appropriate.

Look for the values. Are you living yours?

See you next week,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

Kids - who'd have 'em

I'm actually thinking about myself as the 'kid' this time as my main preoccupation at the moment is whether or not to put my mother in an old people's home.

I know my mother didn't have me because she wanted me to nurse her in her old age, but the decision of going to a home seems to go against so many of my values and ones I'm assuming would have been hers.

I'm trashing my 'respect' value. I respect her and want her to keep her dignity in her own home. I'm undermining my 'kindness' value, because shouldn't I stop working and be kind to her instead. My 'freedom' value is coming in for a bit of a knock too, because there's nothing free about being in a home. And on and on it goes.

In this week's workshop we were thinking about what we can learn from our family. None of my family have ever been in a home before - they've all died too young. And yet I was thinking about my mother's childhood. She was home-schooled and longing to go to a school of any kind to be with others.

Maybe that's what I've got to hang onto. Her love of others, her interest in others, her enjoyment of conversation, her need for stimulation...

Gosh, it's a difficult decision... and I'm both the kid and the adult in this one.

Let me know what you've done.

See you next week,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs
Creator of the almost-put-to-bed Life Book

Being You

I love Russian dolls at the best of times, but this week's workshop is all about values and to me that little Russian doll says so much about values. She seems to be peeping out of her many-layered protection going 'My values are what keep me safe'. And yet her values on each level may be contradictory and each doll may represent a different collection of values.

We are multi-dimensional, thank goodness, just like this doll and studying our values is one of the most fascinating and fun and basic introductions to self-development.

I strongly urge you all to have a go.

See you at this week's Life Club,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs who values... integrity, freedom, happiness, running along the beach (not doing enough of that these days!) to name but a few.

Inside it all

Somehow the image of the Russian doll to me really seems to sum up what values are. On the outside we can sometimes feel we're anyone - maybe we even change depending on who we're talking to or what we're talking about - but strip those layers and underneath we're us with all the values we have around ourselves and our life.

One of my main values is freedom. I'd hate being that trapped doll in the middle of all the others - I'd like to be the one on the top, able to leave at any moment and run.

This value has made me fun, independent and outspoken. You know where you are with me. It's also got me into all sorts of problems. I'm hopeless at the thought of commitment - I was extremely nervous about getting married (and yet we've been happily married now for over 20 years), I've never been able to work for anyone else (imagine not being able to do what you wanted to when you wanted to) and I'm often far too outspoken (and that can ruffle others' values).

And yet when I do commit I'd say I'm more satisfied and fulfilled than when I'm free. Such is the paradox of values - you can be opposites at the same time.

This week, let's discover all your values - contradictory and harmonious. Why not start by working out which layer of doll you'd like to be.

See you at Life Clubs this week for our Being You workshop.
All best,
Nina